Mum of one Zoë Desmond had a clear vision of what family life was meant to look like - a happy family, two parents, shared meals around the table with friends - but then in 2017, just after her son Billy had his first birthday, her world changed forever when she separated from her partner.

We asked Zoë about adjusting to life as a single parent, how she turned her situation into a positive one and how, when she struggled to find the support network she needed, she decided to create her own in the form of Frolo.

Zoë, becoming a single parent when your son Billy was just a year old must have been a massive life change. How did you respond initially?

Oh it was huge. I’d gone from what I thought was perfect family life to suddenly feeling lost. I was so lonely and I felt cut off from so much of the world. Looking back, I think I was grieving - grieving for the loss of the life I had been expecting to have.

How did that period of grief impact your parenting?

It had a massive impact. I was often emotional, processing all of the changes we were going through, and then I would feel guilty that somehow I wasn’t giving Billy the life he deserved or even the best version of me. Managing a one year old is difficult at the best of times, but being on my own with him definitely felt overwhelming at times.

Did you have much emotional support during this time?

Yes and no I think is the answer. My family and friends were supportive of course, they always want the best for me and to help in any way they can, but in terms of being a single parent, they just didn’t get it. It wasn’t their fault, but I craved connections with people who understood that particular combination of intense pressure and reward that comes with being a single parent. I longed to have people to share all of these new feelings and experiences with.

Where did you go to find these connections?

Initially I went online - Facebook groups, forums, social media - but I couldn’t seem to find the empowering, positive sense of community I really craved. I knew that one in four families are headed by single parents in the UK, so I was sure there must be other people feeling the same, and so I decided to create my own community to bring these people together. Frolo, (a blend of the words ‘friend’ and ‘solo’), started as an Instagram channel, but it quickly became obvious that there was a real thirst for genuine connections and support between single parents and so we developed a Frolo app. Now we have over 20,000 registered users who come together through online chats, meetups, events - it’s completely changed my life and, judging from the amazing feedback we get, a lot of other lives too.

What does your life look like now?

It couldn’t be more different from those early months as a single parent. Balancing work and family can be stressful sometimes, but Billy’s dad and I co-parent so I have the weekends when he’s with his dad to play catch-up if I need to. I make sure I make time for me though, for some downtime or for catching up with frolo pals. When you’re a single parent you have to prioritise your own self care - no one else is going to do it and you have to take care of yourself if you’re going to be the best parent for your kids.

What advice would you give to another newly single parent?

Hang in there! If you’re feeling overwhelmed right now then I promise you, it gets better. Let yourself grieve, there’s no shame in that, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. There will come a day when you realise you feel happier than ever, surrounded by friends and your children, and you’ll feel so immensely proud. 

And of course get the Frolo app! I know, I would say that, but building a support network of people who really get it is incredibly powerful and can make a huge difference.

Find out more about Frolo at frolo.com or search for the Frolo app on the App Store or Google Play.

Jo Middleton